I bled. I passed clots. I was told the bleeding, clotting and subsequent spotting were due to the polyp and an "irritated" cervix. I'll have to say that my cervix was not irritated, it was pissed. Really, really pissed. And your cervix would be likewise unhappy if someone attached the clamp below (a tenaculum) to it and then tried to snake a catheter up it. A bit of advice: If you ever see one of these puppies coming at your cervix, run away. Fast. Don't say I didn't warn you. Honestly, this was probably the most uncomfortable procedure I have ever had.
This leaves me in a funk. I had hoped by now to have questions of genetic abnormalities answered and any tough decisions behind me. We've rescheduled an amnio for March 1, but we won't have the results until I am 17 weeks. At age 37 there is a 1.5% chance of chromosomal abnormalities. I realize this leaves us with a 98.5% chance of the baby being fine. But still. It would have been nice to know sooner.
Questions about baby's health are just part of my pregnancy funk. Anxiety about miscarrying has also contributed to my blues. I've had cramping on and off since I tested BFP. I haven't had any more bleeding, but the cramping can be intense at times. Rationally, I realize that it is probably just due to the stretching and growing going on down there, but it is worrisome. I think it was gone by this point when I was pregnant with E. Maybe not, but if I did, I am now blocking it out.
Finally, I have so much fear. This is probably compounded by good old fashioned Catholic guilt. I have the gnawing sense that I got here by cheating. My dear cyber friend, Chris, is being put through hell by her REs, others are dealing with too many losses, and here I am on a natural cycle of all things. I feel like the other shoe may drop at any moment.
On the bright side, I have seen the baby at each visit. I've seen the baby at 7 weeks, at 9 weeks, at 10 weeks, at 11 weeks and at 13 weeks. And the little bean is beautiful. Just like its big sister.
5 comments:
Eww, eww it's the dreaded clamp! It's what The Ho ob used for all of my original IUI's. It's awful!! I bled and cramped for days afterwards. Horrid!
From my very clear recollections I cramped all through my first tri with baby S. I remember being worried because many others said they had NO cramps after the first month. I think some of us are just 'crampers' and some aren't. I sure am.
I hope that the Baby Beat and the scans are easing your mind. I am actually not looking forward to the stress of an eventual pregnancy. That part is definitely NOT fun for folks like us. But when I look at my one success I can see that it's possible to get through unscathed and the reward is pretty awesome. Hang in there. The second tri is in clear sight.
I can't believe your old RE used that clamp for the IUI. Truly a stupid ho. No wonder you were so worried about procedure.
It seems like we just trade one anxiety for another with the infertility/ pregnancy/ motherhood transition, doesn't it? I suppose it never ends. It's a wonder we have the will to go through it.
Em, I felt that way all though my pregnancy with Maggie (and hey, I'm Catholic!! Coincidence? I think not!) and still sometimes do, like why do I deserve to have this gorgeous happy baby girl when better people than me are still struggling. All I can say is, I don't think it's a matter of "deserving" and even if it was, ou totally do deserve this!
(have you been on the board lately, BTW? EVERYONE is pregnant. I have pretty much given up reading).
Duh...I just realized that you're already in the second tri. Oh my did that ever go fast or what. I think the pregnancy is going by fast from here on the sidelines even if it feel slow there inside the lion's den!
Well so our next goal is amnio and its result in mid March? Trust me that will FLY by. It's near my birthday so there's no way time will crawl by ...*rolling eyes*
Hey, it's been a month. Any updates?
Hope all is well.
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