Crazy excited

When Bush "won" eight years ago, I knew it would be bad, but I had no idea how bad. War, torture, financial implosion, erosion of women's rights, domestic spying, Gitmo, Darth Cheney,WMD, mission accomplished, levees breaking, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. It was hard to recognize my country at times.

But now, I feel like we are on the cusp of something good. Something transformative; I'm proud of my country again. And I'm crazy excited for tomorrow.

I am evil

My 45 year-old sister-in-law just emailed to tell me that her latest IUI was unsuccessful. Was I sad for her? No, I was relieved. Somehow the thought of her being more fertile than me stirs some very negative emotions. I am evil.

Breaking out of my box

We aren't big on going out for New Year's Eve here. I would blame it on the children and the difficulty finding a sitter, but that would be disingenuous seeing as how we seldom went out before children. We just don't find it fun to fight the crowds, dodge the drunks and stay out so late. Yes, we were old before we were old.

However, we do have the traditional Southern New Year Day feast, with black eyed peas in the form of hoppin' john, collard greens and cornbread. When my family is present, there is always some form of pork served with the meal, usually hog jowl (disgusting!). We, being nearly vegetarian, happily skip this when it is just us.

The original plan for yesterday was to have my parents drive down and join us for lunch, but my mother called sounding awful and begged off for fear of bringing yet another illness into our home. That left me with a lot of food. Ten minutes after my mother called, a friend rang asking if the girls needed a playdate this weekend. I blurted out, "Why don't you come for dinner tonight?"

Now to most people, this spontaneous invitation is probably no big deal. But for me, it is a rather big thing because I don't entertain very often, and when I do, I obsess over it a long time in advance. It isn't that I don't enjoy having people over, but I do have some anxiety. I trace this back to my mother who wouldn't let us have friends in the house unless it was absolutely clean and perfect.

I'm glad I broke out of my normal box and had them over. The house wasn't perfect and the food wasn't perfect, but last night was fun! The three girls played well, and it was fun to have some good conversation. I also learned that my friend is eight weeks pregnant. She and I miscarried within a few weeks of one another over the summer so it was good to hear that she has already seen a strong heartbeat and that everything is going well. I admit to having pangs of something, (not jealousy per se; maybe longing? wistfulness?), but I am thrilled for them.

It was a nice start to 2009. I hope you are also off to a good start.