Thursday, May 31, 2007

Perfect Storm

A few observations about my mother: First, she is a drama queen who is happiest in times of crisis. Second, she oversteps boundaries, especially those of her children. Finally, she is a score-keeper. I offer a few illustrations of each of these.


The Drama Queen
Example One: In the months preceding my wedding, my parents separated. Every day, my mother would call me with the latest round of complaints about my father. She found a way to make sure that everyone from the caterers to the wedding guests knew about the separation and how she was doing her best "to put on a happy face in this difficult time." For instance, when I sent my photo to the paper and asked that my photograph be labeled "Ms. B" instead of "Mrs. JM" (I did not change names), she called the editor and told her that I was absolutely changing my name and was just reacting to my parents' very sad separation. *
Example Two: When anything happens to one of her children---from fender benders to surgery--she immediately calls her prayer groups and prayer lists and whips everyone into a frenzy. When I was about to have nerve damage caused by E's vacuum birth surgically corrected**, she put that on the prayer list. Some things--and I include my hoo-hoo as one of them--just don't need to be the subject of strangers' prayers.

Boundaries, Schmoundaries
Example One: When J and I were fairly newly married, my mother brought her handyman to our house. He was supposed to fix the bathroom floor which was sagging. She decided she may as well have him paint the bathroom while he was there without so much as a "Hey, how would you feel about having your bathroom painted Smurf blue?" We were not amused.
Example Two: When I was in the hospital after having E, my mother resdistributed the furniture in my house, rearranged my kitchen and reorganized J and my drawers. I had a hormone induced meltdown upon discovering this.

Keeping Score
Example One: At Christmas, she spends precisely the same amount of money on each child and grandchild. Sometimes, we'll get an odd check for the $7.63 , but more often she makes a stocking and fills it with hideous items from the dollar store to make up the difference in what she has spent.
Example Two: She keeps a list of what each child has done for her lately: My brother M mowed her lawn when we were in town. However, Brother S cleaned her pool for her the week before. Therefore, it was my responsibility to do all the dishes during our visit on Sunday.


So there you have it, my mother is an attention-seeking-knows-no-boundaries-scorekeeping-drama queen.*** Who has just been diagnosed with colon cancer. It is the perfect storm. Stay tuned.

*They reunited shortly after my wedding. I did not change my name.
**I had a vestibulectomy-very painful, but effective.
***I know this sounds harsh. I do love her, but she makes me a little nuts.

4 comments:

Nico said...

I'm really sorry to hear that your mom is ill. That sucks.

I do have to agree with your assessments of her based on your examples though!

christine said...

Oh dear poor thing. However eeek she sounds like my mother in law with the keeping score thing. I hate that.

lol about the prayer group. Hey don't knock it because it obviously worked! Hoohoo happily healed thankyouverymuch.

btw don't you think you get extra pressure put on you because you're the only daughter?

Em said...

Thank you both for the kind thoughts.


Yes, I do think gender has something to do with it. My mother has told me she *expects* me to stay with her when she gets out of the hospital (more on this later). My brother who lives in the same town hasn't been asked to do anything. Argh.

AmyinMotown said...

Hoo Boy. I tried to post something earlier and it wouldn't let me. My mother is difficult, but not so much as yours. Although--my parents were about to separate before my wedding, unbeknownst to either of us kids. My mom decided not to and blames it on the weddings and "not wanting you to go through that with separated parents"--but instead proceeded to be IMPOSSIBLE about everything and really sabotage my wedding in lots of ways. They ended up separating a year or so later--and then reuniting as well, three years after that.

Also, in regard to inappropriate hoo-hoo related comments, my mom announced to a table full of my sister in law's family at her baby shower that "Amy's told me (infertility) certainly takes the fun out of sex." I WAS RIGHT THERE. My SIL's very nice mom had squeezed my hand and said they were praying for me--and my mom busts out with THAT.

You always come across as so levelheaded and thoughtful--maybe that's a response to DramaMama? Vent here all you want! I know my mom would love to read my blog but my husband is under strict instructions to never breathe a word of its existence to ANYONE who shares either of our last names, EVER. It's so helpful to vent!