At some point between a discussion of potty training [pullups at night or panties?] and a comparison of toddler food likes and dislikes [ranch dressing is a miracle food], one of the mothers asked about E's new school. I told her that while I like it, it isn't year-round so E will have a summer break with me. I mentioned that I am "freaked out" by this. As soon as I said it, I felt like taking it back. What kind of mother am I not to welcome two months home with my firstborn? I braced myself for another skirmish in the mommy wars and waited for the other mothers to react.
I quickly learned that I wasn't behind enemy lines. There was a moment of silence, a slight pause, and then the other mothers jumped in. The first, a nurse, said, "Oh, that would freak me out, too. I am so not cut out to be a stay-at-home mom." The second, an architect, said that she was glad I had said something because she often feels guilty that she enjoys her job. The third, a stay-at-home mom since the birth of her second child a few months ago, said that it has been far more draining than she imagined, but rewarding too.
I've been thinking about the other things I keep to myself in fear of being considered a bad mother. Here is a sampling.
- I miss having disposable income.
- I get bored playing with my kids.
- I have no tolerance for repetitive sounds (Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy).
- Whining makes me crazy.
- I feed my three-year-old quesadillas every other day because it is easier than fighting with her to eat her veggies.
- I raise my voice at times.
- I miss performing bodily functions in peace and quiet.
- I fantasize about sleep.
- I sometimes let the girls watch TV so I can catch a breather.
- It doesn't really freak me out that my 14-month old likes to scavenge for random food (mostly things she has flung form the high chair) off the kitchen floor.
- I once hid in the bedroom closet so the girls couldn't find me (J was close by).
- I plan to steal E's Halloween candy.
I'm sure there is more to add to the list, but that is a start.
*E was wild that night and didn't fall asleep until close to 11:00. Good times.
4 comments:
Good on you! And yes, I'm so glad that the twins are slated for year round schools. I have no idea what we would do for an entire summer.
Geez, if TV and Halloween candy-stealing make for bad mothering, I SUCK :-). That's great that everyone jumped in supportively. Sometimes when I am around other moms there's so much competition that I get The Look and "Oh really? I love summer and all that time together!" or something similar. Or, conversely, people complain SO MUCH that I feel bad about actually liking this Mom gig between 60-90 percent of the time (directly proportional to how much she's slept and inversely to how oppositional she's being)!
So it sounds like you know some not-Stepfords. ood for you!
Oh, Em, Just last night I felt badly because my 19 month old son cried for an hour on and off before finally falling asleep. This was after a massive temper tantrum at the dinner table because we wouldn't give him MORE bread. After I calmed him down and read him some stories, we went through the bedtime routine and put him to bed. Then the quiet/crying cycle started.
The periods of quiet in between the crying were long enough for us to think "Well, now he must be out." This went on for an hour! I felt terrible, but even worse, I didn't want to go in (we have let him cry it out, it usually doesn't last longer than 5 minutes).
So, I feel like a bad mother, too, especially with the tantrums. You are so not alone. Hang in there. (((hugs)))
Oh, and BTW? Not even considering giving the Bee his Halloween candy. What does an 19 month old need with candy?!
Just found you through a comment elsewhere. I have 14 month old twins and I think your daughter's about that age?
I agree with many of these things. I'm a bit freaked out about the upcoming holiday and 10 day closure of daycare - even though I'll be with my husband or family the whole time!
Add to your list that sometimes if my husband's watching the kids I take longer in the shower than I need to just to be alone for a couple of minutes on a Sunday.
Post a Comment