Assertiveness Training

Tomorrow morning, I have a phone "chat" scheduled with the publisher. I dread it. I would rather visit the dentist (and I hate the dentist). You see, there is no way, I am going to make the deadline. I think I can finish by the end of the summer going at my current rate, but there is no way I can finish by April. It is not possible. For someone else, maybe, but not for me.

Last week, I sent two sections. She emailed upon receipt of the second section. It was a rare rah-rah note. "At this pace, you'll be done in no time!" she said. And I felt good. I wanted to write more! Go faster! Get done in no time!

My happiness at having finally pleased her lasted all of a half hour. Then she sent a second message. A grim message. A tersely worded message. She had done the math. In order to meet my deadline, I would need to do seven sections a week. They are depending on me to get it done. The end. No more cheering.

I turned off the computer. What was the point?

I stewed for a few days. Then I finally realized just how angry I feel about the project. This was a huge step for me, because I have trouble recognizing when I'm angry and even more difficulty expressing my anger. I'm not a hothead. I don't raise my voice, I don't confront people, and I don't throw things. I wish I did. It would probably be healthier than my approach which is to internalize and to stew.

How did I get this way? My father bragged that he "broke me" of my temper when I was a child. He told me that I was mercurial and had a hellish temper.* He didn't tell me what he did to rid me of my temper, but he was clearly quite proud of changing me from a hellion to a sweet southern girl.

I wish he hadn't done such a good job of it. I am far too passive for my own good. I try to get along by giving in or by finessing situations. Neither feels good. Unfortunately, the publisher is dominant and aggressive. I don't know how our conversation will go tomorrow, but I need to communicate some things.

First, there is the small matter of deadlines. Each time I have told her that April is a huge stretch, she has just come back with a "that's the deadline." I need to tell her in no uncertain terms that April is not happening and to find out whether she is dropping me.

Second, I am not allowed to talk to my editor unless the publisher is copied on all emails or is on a third line on the phone. It would be OK (not really) if she were unobtrusive, but she frequently gets involved with what I consider to be editorial issues. It seems very controlling to me.

Third, there is the issue of her acting as if she owns me. OK, she has actually said as much: "We own you." I need some boundaries, babe.

Finally, my contract has already expired. I just looked at it tonight and it isn't clear to me that I am going to get paid since I have already missed the original deadline. I want a new contract with an August 2007 deadline.

I'll let you know how it goes.


*Sounds a lot like E. Shoot me if I ever attempt to "break her" of her temper.