Clearly there are things on my list that I will not complete by next week. That website for the state association? It will have to wait. Writing all my labs in advance? Not going to happen. However, I feel like I can get everything done that MUST be done by Wednesday. The rest will happen when they happen, and no one but me will notice.
I was feeling so confident and in control that this morning I decided to keep Baby M home from daycare so we could run errands and hang out. I often feel guilty that Baby M doesn't get enough attention from me. This is somewhat ironic because when I was pregnant with her, I spent a fair amount of energy worrying that big sister, E, would get lost in the shuffle. As it turns out, E is quite good at staying at or near the center of attention. Whether she is eating fluoridated toothpaste straight from the tube, or commanding me to sing Itsy Bitsy Spider yet again, or begging me to let her help cook, she is impossible to ignore for both positive and negative reasons. Plus, she is awake more and longer than her baby sister* so we get alone time in the evening.
Baby M, on the other hand, is non-verbal and easily dominated by her big sister. Because Baby M can't yet express her desires, the wishes of her sister-- from which Signing Time video to watch to which tub to bathe in tonight--are generally granted. Baby M doesn't seem too grumpy about it--she usually seems quite content to be a part of her big sister's general orbit-- but I worry. This is probably just an expression of guilt for not being able to give her my undivided attention, but it is there, a steady undercurrent.
All this is to say that I was excited to be able to take a day off with Baby M. We went to my office for a while, but mostly we just hung out at home and cuddled and nursed** and practiced taking steps and worked on signs and took long naps and flipped through books (can't really call it reading) and ate yogurt and laughed at the dogs and waved to the garbage collector and tried to crawl into the washing machine (her, not me) and took apart the diaper bag and cuddled some more.
So, it was a good day. It occurs to me that I had a lot more days like this with E, but I didn't realize how important and good they were. I wish now that I had understood just how quickly this stage goes by and had let myself enjoy it a bit more.
On Monday, I'll have E alone for the day. She will have to accompany me to a department meeting because I can't find childcare, but otherwise the day will be ours. I can't wait.
*Actually Baby M is awake far more often at 4 a.m., but that isn't what I consider quality time.
**Yes, yes. I am supposed to be weaning, but it makes her happy. I'll get more serious about it when classes start next week.
Up up and away
11 years ago
4 comments:
How do you manage having E, who is Maggie's age and sounds enormously similar, at a meeting? If I could just have her sit and color...but Maggie would think she should be running the meeting.
Amy-I have major fear about taking her to the meeting. Here is how we got in the situation:
My chair called the Monday meeting on Wednesday. I called and J reorganized his appointments so he could watch E during my meeting. Then, two hours after we did that bit of juggling, the chair emailed to reschedule. So J changed appointments again. Then, a few hours later, my chair put the meeting back to the original time. J was not about to try and reschedule his day for a third time. I gave my chair a sanitized version of this (not the one where J was saying, "WTF are you people doing?"), and she said, "Just bring E with you."
I'm going to bring crayons and snacks and hope for the best, but I'm not sure that she will make it through the meeting.
Oh, I have been there! I have pretty much told a client to go screw themselves because of it (they were making a big stink about me not being at their meetings). I said "You make no effort to schedule them when I am available and then change them, so what do you expect?" This was for a measly-paying freelance job and they pretty much expected me to be available whenever. And I am right now sweating getting childcare for an assignment from a client who has finally contacted me again after several months. They are good and pay well and fast and I REALLY want to do the work, but I have one (1) day of childcare next week if my sitter doesn't come through.
Sending quiet, docile child vibes your way....
Oh, your day with baby M sounds just perfect. When they happen often it's hard to realize how special they each are.
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