Moment of truth arrived today. We met with the RE at long last to discuss my dismal test results. He wore a sad smile as if to say, "This is the worst part of my job, not being able to help people." He is of the school of thought that I can't get pregnant (less than 1% chance) with my own eggs. The upshot of the meeting was that we can keep trying on our own, but we would come back to donor eggs eventually. He is willing to try IUI to placate us, but will not try IVF.

Not so fast, buddy. I am getting a second opinion.

My worries:

• Even if we find money for IVF, what if travel costs to a big city are too much.
• Even if we find money for treatment and travel, how can I take off for two weeks in middle of a semester?
• Even if we find money for treatment and travel AND find a way to take off in middle of a semester, what if it doesn't work?
• If it doesn't work, will I always regret having used money for treatment that could have been used for adoption?
• If I decide on adoption, will I regret not having tried with my own eggs?
• What if autoimmune disease catches up with my pancreas next? Or my pituitary? What else can it get?

I feel so. . . Shriveled. . . Used up. . .Old.