37

That isn't a beta. That is my age in a few hours. Lucky J to have married someone for whom he only needs to worry about gifts at Christmas and Valentine's.* I'm not depressed about turning 37. Sure, my butt is sagging and I plucked a loooong hair from my chin tonight**, but I'm OK with the whole "another year older" thing. I suspect the hormones may be helping.

Because I am more superstitious than I would like to admit, I feel it necessary to keep a tradition started on my birthday when I was a kid. First, I recap my year, then I share my hopes for the next year. It is fun and sometimes sad to go back through a few years later. For instance, I never made good on my wish at 17 wish to be John M's girlfriend, but I did finish my dissertation (28) and run a couple of marathons (32 and 33).

Recap
December 2004: Turned 36. Baby E slept through the night for the first time on Christmas granting me the best gift ever.
January 2005: Started back to work. Cried a lot. Hired one great sitter and one OK sitter.
February 2005: Was summoned before the tenure and promotion committee to provide "more information" about my tenure case. This was a very bad thing as the only people who get called in are those in danger of being denied. The call came on Friday, and my meeting wasn't until Monday. Cried for two days, then got pissed. Attended meeting, provided information, and received tenure.
March 2005: Did not get a spring break because publisher wanted that time to work on exercises. Still resentful.
April 2005: This month is a black hole for me. I remember nothing.
May 2005: Survived the semester. Had to look for summer sitter because my wonderful sitter found a nanny position in Colorado. This is the start of sitter hell. AF finally showed up. Started ttc #2.
June 2005: Hired a sitter who neglected to tell me she would be having knee surgery and could not pick up a baby. A few of her friends covered some of her hours, but it was not optimal.
July 2005: Required surgical revision of my tears from E's birth. Truly hellish surgery, but things are 100% better. Down there.
August 2005: Started taking E to another mom. It looked promising at first.
September 2005: Other mom takes last minute vacation to Costa Rica with her unvaccinated infant. To make things really fun, this happened during the week J was in Denver on business. I had to scramble to find childcare and I pissed lots of people off.
October 2005: Hateful month. High FSH discovery and visit from publisher. Stopped taking E to other mom's house.
November 2005: Three nannies, one feud, Thanksgiving with the in-laws, preseed, OPKs, getting ready for exams.
December 2005: BFP. Hope.

My hopes for the next year:

That this pregnancy is healthy.
That Baby E thrives despite the problems we have had with childcare.
That Baby E gets a spot at a good center by May.
That I summon the strength and discipline to finish the text.
That I succeed in getting family leave and sabbatical next year.
That I be a good mother to my daughter and a good wife to my husband.
That there are fewer natural disasters to fret over.
That I remember others have it much worse.
That I keep writing in this space for therapy.
That fewer hairs show up on my chin.
That Karl Rove is indicted and Cheney is forced to resign.
That Dems take over in midterm elections.
That there is peace.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanuka, or Happy Holidays to you. I'll be away for a few days (because I so love spending my birthday with my in-laws).

*We were married Valentine's weekend, not because we were all into the hearts and cupids, but because the priest wouldn't marry during Lent which started the next week. A spring wedding was not a good option because the church was being renovated and had no AC, a must for large gatherings in the South. See how defensive I am about the whole thing? I've had way too many people go, "Awww, that is so romantic to get married Valentine's Day weekend." Gag.

**Please, if I ever spend any time in a coma, you must promise me that my brows will be waxes and stray facial hairs plucked. I would do the same for you.