Waiting. . .Still Waiting

I've been thinking about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Well, not too much. That would be icky. But some. Specifically, I have been thinking about their well-publicized purchase of an ultrasound machine. I get it, I think. I understand the reasoning leading to this acquisition.

Now my "sympathize with Tom and Katie" ship sailed when he went on his PPD rant. Asshole. Or maybe it was when he jumped on the sofa. Contrived. It could have been the whole silent birth thing that pushed me over. Freaky. Weird. Basically, he is a turd and she is tainted by mere association.

Even so, I totally get why they bought the ultrasound machine. THEY JUST WANT TO SEE THE BABY. Is that a crime?* It is the first thing that I have understood about them. If I were a multimillion dollar actor and could afford one as easily as a box of tissue, I probably might consider it.

But since I can't afford an ultrasound, I did the next best thing and bought even more more sticks to pee on**. I know this is truly borderline OCD, but it helps with the anxiety. Now that my hCG must be getting up there even the cheap tests turn dark pretty quickly. I do have symptoms. Sore breasts, passing nausea, lightheadedness. But I need more. I need proof.

I haven't been obsessing every moment. Here are other things that have filled my time:

• Grading. Why I gave my methods students a three hour written exam, I'll never know, but grading it was hell.
• Writing reports. I served as interim program director this term. It taught me that administrative duties should be avoided at all cost.
• Shopping and wrapping gifts. I need to put some photos of the girl in frames for grandparents, but I am basically done. This shall be known as the year of the Gullah basket.
• Nanny 911. I'm a wuss and didn't fire them. Help is hard to find. Nanny S has been sentenced to pretrial intervention and anger management. Nanny M was threatening to quit unless I fired Nanny S, but I wasn't willing to let her call the shots. She didn't quit. So far, so good.
• Ultrasound scan of my throat. I finally got to see why the doctors won't declare me disease free. There is a largish lymph node (we think) wrapped around my carotid artery. Its position and size are a little odd which means I get to keep having follow-ups to make sure it isn't growing. They can't biopsy it because they could go through the carotid which would be very bad. I'm not worried.
• The text. Neglected as always, but I promise to return to it tomorrow after commencement.
• Caring for Baby E who is learning body parts. Today she learned to find her belly button. So cute to see her lift her shirt and search very seriously to make sure it is still there.

My next beta is four days away. Hoping it goes quickly.

*And the answer, apparently, is yes. They had to donate it. If he would just stop talking.
**Getting worried about the growing stash of tests I am hiding in the medicine closet. It seems so wrong to toss them aside. The Christmas ornament idea is sounding good. Maybe I'll just make one for J. Shall I post a pic here?