The Urge to Test

Two nights ago, I dreamed that my SIL was pregnant. For some reason, it seemed perfectly natural that I was carrying around her positive pregnancy test with its two pink lines signaling SUCESS! FERTILE! I woke up sure it was a premonition and certain that she must be pregnant again. I guess we'll learn that at Christmas. All I'm saying is that pregnancy testing and babies were on my brain all day yesterday. . .

We have decided to go ahead with injections/iui for my next cycle. One last chance before traveling, you know? I woke up this morning convinced that AF would show today (cramping like a mad woman and my temps dropped slightly) so I decided to call the center and have Nurse Joy order my stims. However, just before I was going to call, I decided "What the heck. I'll test just to be sure I'm not pregnant because it would suck to order meds and not need them." This was just my rationalization for POAS; I didn't believe it would be anything more exciting than a BFN. I've become quite the masochist with pregnancy tests.

So I tested. And then something odd happened. A faint, faint second line showed up. I was not impressed. Evaporation line, I told myself. I took the test to J. "Is there a second line?" I asked. He squinted, but confirmed there was a second line. "What color is it?" I asked. More squinting. Kinda pink, he decided. Whoa. Could it be?

Still not excited, I decided to try a second test. Another faint line. Another conference with dh. I called Nurse Joy for a beta.

"When did you ovulate?" she asked. I told her fertility friend is being moody, but I could be 13 dpo or I could be 10 dpo. Just depends on the setting. She was not amused.

"We tell our patients not to test until 17 days past iui to avoid false positives," she told me. "You tested too soon." She said no to the beta. Told me to call next week if AF doesn't show. "But it probably will."

I think there is something going on. I understand it may well turn out to be a chemical pregnancy, but I don't think that the tests lines turn in the absence of hCG. So let's not call this "false," OK? I may be in the clinic next week for a follicle count and instructions on injecting hormones into my butt, but until AF arrives, let me call this hope. Is that too much to ask?

Oh yeah. If you need me early tomorrow morning, I'll be peeing on more sticks. I bought two more boxes this morning.