Tuesday, January 16, 2007

About the working mom thing. . .

Sometimes I feel like I'm walking a tightrope. On one side, there is family and home. On the other, work and career. There is no safety net; one misstep, and I'll come crashing down. Very rarely do I feel balanced and secure. Most of the time I feel like I do this week, dizzy, bobbling and teetering, about to go over the edge.

On Friday, I decided to keep M with me. Another day pumping and my nipples would never forgive me. I enjoyed that day immensely and even got a small amount done on the next section of the text. That was my last productive day. Here is what has transpired since:

  • The cough E has had for a week started sounding worse over the weekend and she began running a low fever. I decided not to take her to weekend sick child hours because she wasn't acting terribly ill and I don't want to gain a reputation as a neurotic mom. Of course, this meant that by Monday morning she was running a high fever and was on the verge of developing pneumonia. M has started coughing so I'm worried we'll be dealing with this one a bit longer.
  • My mother, while on a church retreat, took ill and required emergency gallbladder surgery. I spent two days talking with my brothers to see which of us would make the trip to be with her during the surgery and take her home. Middle brother had depositions to take and my niece's dance recital to attend, youngest brother was starting a new position that does not involve a uniform, and I was home with a sick toddler. Which meant that my mom had to have surgery with no family present. So which of the three siblings was guilt-ridden over this? I'll give you a hint: if you look up, you'll see her wobbling rather spectacularly.
  • The publisher of the text sent a nastygram disguised as a positive message. At the end of the message, there was a sinister, "Don't forget the April 1 deadline." This is 29 days earlier than I planned for (yes, I knew it was April, but I was thinking the end of April) . This means I am even further behind than thought.
  • I forgot to review a manuscript for a journal. The editor sent me a reminder tonight. I feel guilty because I hate, hate, hate it when I am waiting to hear if something has been accepted.
Tomorrow, I think I should be able to send E and M to daycare so I'll try to regroup, get back on the wire and do my thing.

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