Oy vey.
Today I tried on some pre-pregnancy pants just for kicks. It has been five months after all.
Oh
My
God
I am turning matronly. There were ripples-- fat bulges-- where my thighs meet my hips. My "touch of stretch" pants are no longer my best friends. They are the enemy.
What did I see today? My butt. Very large. My stomach. Soft. Poochy. My arms. Flabby. Swinging in the breeze. My thighs. Jiggly. My body image. Bad. My spirits. Low.
All this is to say that I have decided that it is time to do something about this. I made a feeble attempt to start a walking program a few weeks ago, but I quit when the temperature dipped and it rained. What a wimp.
But now I've decided that this is war. And I'm going to win.
Truthfully, it should be doable. I'm only about eight to ten pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight, but the distribution of fat around my thighs and tummy have given me a whole new shape that I do not much appreciate. This isn't just about fat distribution and weight, by the way. It is also about feeling better and having some confidence. I used to run marathons. I was strong and toned, and I felt healthy. I want to feel that way again. I don't have to be marathon ready, but I want to feel fit.
I've not been giving myself time to exercise. Everyday feels like a race of sorts: wake at 5:30 with the baby, nurse her, try to get her to sleep with me for a little while, wake with E at 6:30 if J is still out running, fix bottles for daycare, dress children, dress self, nurse baby again, take girls to daycare, drive home, fire up computer, clean breakfast mess, try to write, pump, try to write, throw in a load of laundry, try to write, pump, vacuum, try to write, pump, go get girls, play, nurse baby, fix dinner for E, bath time, reading time, nurse baby, bedtime, try to write*, pump, 11:30 p.m. collapse into bed.
J thinks I should use daycare time for going to the gym, but I feel like daycare time should be work time. I think I'm going to have to get over it once in a while. Mostly I'm going to make myself take a midday walk or run starting immediately. I'm also going to watch what I eat, but not start any defined diet plan as I'm certain I won't stick to it for long, and that will just depress me.
I'm writing this here to keep myself motivated. I hope that by sharing my desire to get fit I will be too shamed to let a little cold and rain dissuade me. I'll post my stats every few days just for the sake of public humiliation.
*Or watch Top Chef, 24, Lost (soon!) or other programs I should really be ignoring.
Up up and away
11 years ago
3 comments:
Oh honey, it's been TWO YEARS for me and I am still battling the middle bulge. My problem is also finding time to exercise, and I am not as busy as you are! Good luck finding time, and I will be interested to see how you manage it so I can copy your strategy. Can your husband take the girls for an hour late in the day (like before dinner) so you can work out? If you're giving him running time, it seems only fair.
Suz, what are you doing to lose it? How do you find time with twins?
I hear you, Amy. What did we do with ourselves before having children? I felt busy then, but I had no idea. I am going to have to have a chat with J about giving me some time each day. You are right, I do give him time (though he leave early enough, that E isn't always up before he gets back).
My mom just sent me all the Top Chef episodes. I haven't watched them yet and that's probably a good thing because I get them on two tapes back to back and I can't stop watching! Bad bad bad! I should be exercising instead. I hear you! I'm like you, not really overweight but it's all distributed wrong! My preferred sport is swimming but there's the whole mega upper arms issue so I'm a little worried about the whole fat to muscle thing and being stuck with huge arms ...ergh!
Good luck and Suz is right that you just have to get started. That's the hard part.
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